Silly POTS Stuff

Well, chronic illness can either be sad, or we can laugh and make fun of how ridiculous it is!   Or both.  But I like the laughing better.  Enjoy these STOP POTS originals.  
(And the videos have some suggestive language, please watch first before sharing.)

Super Broccoli Man Cures POTS! (PG-13)

 


What the Hell is POTS? (PG-13 as well)




 POTS IS HOT (R rated!)



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YOU KNOW YOU HAVE POTS WHEN........

THIS IS AN ONGOING PROJECT!  LEAVE YOUR OWN LINES IN THE COMMENTS SECTION AND I'LL ADD THEM IN!

I try to find humor in this ridiculous and disabling disease,  so ENJOY! 

1. You get water-boarded every time you shower from having to sit down.

2. You need a recycling bin next to your bed.
3. Sexy lingerie includes compression stockings.

4. The phrase from The Matrix "There is no spoon" has special meaning for you, and its not a good one.

5.  The thought of being in a padded room actually sounds great!

6.  The invention of Skype made you do a happy dance while sitting down.  And then your heart rate was 160.



7.  Your purse has salt packets in it.

8.  You actually want to go to school and work.

9.  You crave IV Fluids instead of chocolate (but chocolate may be a close second!).

10. A successful night out means you didn't face plant in public, and you're hungover even though you didn't drink.

11. You've been to see more doctors than you have movies in the theater.

12. You want to punch the next person who says, "but you don't look sick!".

13. Being able to shave and wash your hair during the same shower is like a day at the spa, except for the hours in bed after it takes to recover.

14.You have a log of blood pressures and heart rates, and keep asking - is there an app for that?

15. You can share geriatric health care equipment with your grandma. 
ADDITIONAL QUOTES FROM COMMENTERS:


Susan said...
You know you have POTS when you nearly pass out from laughing so hard at this post! Love it!!!
Anonymous said...
You know you have POTS when you can wear the shirt with the phrase "Drop it like it's POTS". (Saw this on a site run by a person with POTS that sells shirts with this on it).
Anonymous said...
You know you have POTS when you would rather hear someone else talk about their day (even if all they did was sit in traffic school) than have to discuss yours, because talking takes too much out of you, physically and emotionally.
Anonymous said...
You know you have POTS when you pick clothing according to what's going to best hide the heart monitor and the blood-test-bruises!
Claire

PS - Add your own lines below - I've heard some great ones from fellow POTSies!
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MEME - INGFUL Images 
(see what I did there? and yes, please steal and share if you like)











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Someone commented anonymously on my previous post the phrase "Drop it like it's POTS", which I found hilarious for all the obvious reasons. 

1. It just works.  It rhymes.  It's catchy.  For anyone not aware, this is a reference to the Snoop and Pharrell song "Drop It Like It's Hot"

2. POTSy people (people with the form of dysautonomia called POTS) drop constantly - as in faint, or fall, or just generally run into things due to feeling dizzy.  This makes the phrase even funnier, because it is SO not hot.  But most of us don't look sick at all, and are total babes (I've seen all your pics online!).  So we are hot dammit, and that makes the doctors not take us seriously - the whole "not looking sick" thing.

3. POTSies can drop it like it's hot, because most have extreme temperature issues that exacerbate their symptoms. So we're dropping because we're hot, and our heart rates increase, some have blood pressure changes - but it's not at all attractive or taking place at the club, since most of us can't tolerate the hotness.  

Oh...the sweet sweet irony!


So in honor of my "chronically awesome" disease, here are some new lyrics:


"Drop It Like It's POTS"
feat. Claire-dizzle (that's my new rapper name)

[Intro]
Snooooooooooop..
Snooooooooooop..

[Chorus - Snoop Dogg]
When the gimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's POTS
Drop it like it's POTS
Drop it like it's POTS
When the dizzy try to get at ya
Park it like it's POTS
Park it like it's POTS
Park it like it's POTS
And if a doctor get a attitude
Pop em like it's hot
Pop em like it's hot
Pop em like it's hot
I got the rolly-ader on my arm and I'm tryin walkin on my own
And I feel the best layin flat cause I got it going on

[Verse - Pharrell Williams]
Uh! I'm a nice patient, with some wack disease
See these ice cubes, see these IVs?
Eligible for disability, no million dollar boat
That's Gatorade that's spilling down your throat
The POTSy, exterior don't look sick
The interior all jacked up symptoms take your pick
I can excercise for you, this can be your Phys. Ed
But I may faint on you, callin for a code red
Killer wit the heat, POTS know killers in the street
Wit the heart rate, make you feel like marathons wit dat beat
So don't try to run up on my ear talking all that "you don't look sick"
Havin to educate my doctors about why I'm sick
When the patient knows more research than the high paid MD
You should think about it, take a second
Matter fact, you should PAY ME
And think before you mess with me

[Chorus]
When the gimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's POTS
Drop it like it's POTS
Drop it like it's POTS
When the dizzy try to get at ya
Park it like it's POTS
Park it like it's POTS
Park it like it's POTS
And if a doctor get a attitude
Pop em like it's hot
Pop em like it's hot
Pop em like it's hot
I got the rolly-ader on my arm and I'm tryin walkin on my own
And I feel the best layin flat cause I got it going on


[Verse - Snoop Dogg]
I'm a spoonie, but y'all knew that
Da Big utensil, yeah I had to do that
I keep a salty snack hanging out my pocket
But only on the left side, yeah that's the way to rock it
Ain't no other way to play the game the way I play
I fall down so much you thought I was drunk but hey
[scratches] "two!" - "one!" - "yep, three!"
S-N double O-P, D-O double G
I can't fake it, just break it, and when I take it
See I specialize in making all the doctors get mistaken
So bring your friends, all of y'all come inside
We gonna try a new medication, now get live!
So don't change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fallin down brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G's to the bizzack, now POTSies here we gizzo

[Chorus]
When the gimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's POTS
Drop it like it's POTS
Drop it like it's POTS
When the dizzy try to get at ya
Park it like it's POTS
Park it like it's POTS
Park it like it's POTS
And if a doctor get a attitude
Pop em like it's hot
Pop em like it's hot
Pop em like it's hot
I got the rolly-ader on my arm and I'm tryin walkin on my own
And I roll the best layin flat cause I got it going on

[Outro]
Snooooooooooop.
Snooooooooooop..

The real video/song: 





I really wish Snoop and Pharrell would do my version...especially since I live right in Pharrell's hometown.   The video could have hot chicks laying on couches or in bed with an IV sipping Gatorade.  Or dancing with a rollator as a prop, and then falling over.  Call me Snoop!  I'll have my people set it up :)

2 comments:

  1. Claire, you are hilarious! We don't need Snoop. We just need to get some crazy hot POTSies to record this. I think you could be the next YourTube sensation!

    -L

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I REALLY want to make a video - my secret dream is to be a rapper - sitting down with lots of breaks of course :)

      Delete